DNA Surprises & Family Revelations with Debbie Olsen of DNA Surprise Network

On this episode of the We Share podcast, Alex and Julie welcome Debbie Olsen, a certified life coach and founder of the DNA Surprise Network. Debbie shares her personal journey of uncovering a life-altering DNA surprise—discovering that her biological father, whom she believed to be deceased, was actually alive and had been searching for her. She recounts the emotional rollercoaster of reconnecting with him and her newfound siblings, highlighting the unexpected joys and challenges that come with such discoveries.

Through her experience, Debbie found a passion for supporting others facing similar revelations. She discusses how DNA testing is reshaping identities, uncovering long-held family secrets, and even solving crimes. As the Director of Support for Right to Know, she now helps individuals navigate the complexities of genetic surprises with guidance and compassion.

Debbie emphasizes the importance of patience and mindfulness when processing DNA surprises, as they can have profound emotional and relational impacts. She encourages those on this journey to seek support, take their time, and embrace the truth with care.

Tune in to hear Debbie’s powerful story and learn how DNA testing is transforming lives. Don’t forget to share this episode with friends and join Alex and Julie next week on the We Share podcast!

Transcript

So I was trying to find his resting place. So I was trying to find a screen, and I. There's a website called Find a Grave for those of you who don't know. And you can put valuable information in and you can find people's resting places if they're listed. I wasn't finding anything. And if even if I would have found a grave or two with his name on it, I didn't know if it's him because I didn't know anything.

So that's when I decided to take a DNA test. Today on the We Share podcast, we're joined by Debbie Olsen. She's a certified life coach and founder of DNA Surprise Network.

Welcome to the We Share podcast. I'm Julie. I'm Alex. We share ourselves and we provide a platform for others to share. We believe everyone has a purpose and a story to tell. And we're back on the We Share podcast. I'm Julie and I'm Alex. We promised Debbie 2.0 and here she is Jessica. She's back. All right. But a completely different concept.

This is a different side of Debbie. Yeah. So introduce her again with the thoughts that we're going to be sharing today. All right. So Debbie Olsen welcome back. Thank you. Besides that a auntie body business co-owner with her husband. She, has been a life coach and does DNA. Now, did I say that right? It's DNA surprise network, but that's okay.

DNA surprise network. And so we are going to dive into that and find out a little bit about her story, her DNA surprise, and what she's doing to help others. Well, first off, thanks for joining us. Yes, pleasure. Thank you. Yes. Okay. Let's start with your story, because I think that that is important. It's the foundation of why you do this work.

Yes, absolutely. So, I was raised to believe that my biological dad did not want me, and then was later told as an adult that he was deceased. I was, adopted by my stepdad when I was six and just always lived my life accordingly. I was I initially started looking for my biological dad's resting place. I looked for his grave, and he has quite a common name and I could never find it.

And I didn't know. Growing up we weren't really allowed to ask questions about him. He was sort of pushed out of our lives under the rug. You know, we didn't really get to have an opportunity. I have two full siblings, so when I say we, I'm referring to them as well. So but we didn't get a really have questions or be curious or those kinds of things.

And so I didn't really know how to go about finding his resting place. I didn't know his birth date. I didn't know his middle name, you know, just had not a lot to go on that can ask a question. Did you know anything about him before the stepdad came in? Do you have memories that you can remember? I don't, I'm six and seven years younger than my siblings, and so they have memories with him.

They actually got to spend a summer with him. I was too young, so I didn't go, so I have no memories at all of my biological dad before. How is your relationship with your mom after her doing that? Gosh, all the relationships are rough now. The raised family relationships are a little more challenging now. My mom's pretty sick.

She's got dementia, and so she doesn't actually know that we've found our dad. We just chose not to tell her. Don't want to add to the discomfort she's already in. So that kind of you. Thank you. Yeah, I mean, it's it's all just been really hard, but, I, on one hand, it's been hard. It definitely changes things for sure.

Yeah, yeah. All right, let me clear up something in my brain that maybe somebody else is thinking, too. So was there a fabricated story about your your biological father's death? Just that he was in a car accident and died. So no details? No nothing. Just a very. We're not going to talk about this. He's moved on. And this is your life.

So my dad is from Salt Lake City area. My mom is from Spanish Fork, Provo area, so they've always had connections there with friends and family. We were a little bit isolated from everybody because I think we were kind of, for lack of a better word, put in hiding. I often will use the words we were kidnaped because we were taken away and our names were changed.

So he that's really messed up. Your names were changed while we were step, my stepdad adopted us and so when he adopted us, our last names changed adoption. You know, our birth certificates were modified. That's how all this stuff works, right? That's like. That's why in DNA, DNA, lint, DNA land, as I call it, it becomes such a slippery slope, right?

Because all of, you know, information changes. And it's. She made it hard for him to find you had your dad wanted to find you? He looked for us. Yeah. Yeah. So I was trying to find his resting place. I was trying to find a screen, and I. There's a website called Find a Grave for those of you who don't know.

And you can put valuable information in, and you can find people's resting places if they're listed. I wasn't finding anything. And if even if I would have found a grave or two with his name on it, I didn't know if it was him because I didn't know anything. So that's when I decided to take a DNA test. Took the DNA test, obviously had paternal and maternal matches.

It didn't have a paternal match that was close enough that it was really doing me any good. So I was frustrated, I closed it, I never looked at it again. I got a couple of emails via the site. I took ancestry the first time, and then I got an email from a girl asking me a lot of very specific personal questions, and I'm like, how does this girl know these things?

For example, my siblings names. She said, do you know these two? And I was like, well, yeah, I do, but how do you, you know? So it was kind of interesting, but I just answer your questions. I'm like, I have nothing to lose. And I answered your questions. And then she eventually said, I'm your sister. We have the same dad.

Then I said to her, oh, I had no idea. Had a sibling, you know, outside of the two I was raised with. But I understand her dad's deceased and she said he's not. We live in Canada. You have a brother and myself. We've been looking for you. I can't believe that we finally found you. You doubled your family.

I doubled my family. Yeah. So he. He was looking for you there, so he clearly wasn't hiding you, like correct. My ex-wife took the kids married, changed their names. I. I lost three kids, essentially. Essentially, yes. That's it in a nutshell. There's my. He had a very few photos of us. So he had like two school pictures of my siblings, like, you know, grade school pictures and then like, one of me as a newborn and one of me when I'm about three.

So we have two pictures of each of us in a little frame hanging on his wall. And he never did not have those hanging up. He would do things like write to the DMV, you know, saying, this is my son's name. My daughter's name. She should be getting her driver's license about now. I can't find her. Can you help me?

Of course. He's not going to get any information, right. He just kind of. I don't think he gave up. But he gave up. Yeah, well, he barely felt like he was at a dead end, right? Yeah. The two older siblings of yours, brother and a sister, did they want to get involved with this and find your father? Did they want to take DNA tests?

Did they have any kind of part of this journey? I didn't tell anyone I was doing it, so no, I was sort of on my own path. I didn't really know what I was going to find. And I, and I honestly don't think I ever thought I was going to find my dad, right? I mean, I thought, I'll find his cousin who will say something nice about him to me, right?

Because you thought he was dead, right? And so that was my goal. My goal was to find a cousin, an aunt, somebody that knew him, that would say he was a good person. And here's here's these things about your dad that you might want to know. That was literally my goal. And that's what I thought was going to happen.

But I got way more than were you got a dad, brother and sister. Okay. Tell us about the reunion, the reuniting of that. What was that experience like? So my dad married a remarried a woman from Canada, and he relocated there. So that's where he's lived. This whole time is in Canada with my. And my two siblings. Live there.

Of course, because of technology, we were able to do video chats. And so the first time that I met them was via video chat. We did a few of those. I found him in May and in September Shane and I went. My husband and I went and, met them in person, and it's been amazing. And I just I feel very, very lucky.

Not everyone's stories end the way mine has. I have a great relationship with all of them. I try to go every three months or so up to Canada to spend time with them and, you know, be part of their lives and that kind of thing. And we talk often. We do video chats still, you know, we talk that way.

And so, I mean, I just I feel very, very lucky. Do you see, yourself in him. Do you see any like her? I do see I it's interesting because I see my brother in him. Sometimes he'll make faces or when he first pops up on the screen I'm like, that's my brother. And then, oh yeah, it's dad.

You know, so stuff like that. But my siblings will go, dad does that. Like they'll pointed out to me or my sister when I posted photos of her. My friends are like, oh my gosh, you guys look so much alike. Having said that, I think I look so much like my mom. But genetics are interesting, right? You know you can pull em so yeah.

Yeah yeah. So did you start calling him dad right away. Yes. Yep. Because I'm sure in the work you do now that's a that's kind of a weird transition for people. It's probably one of the unexpected speed bumps is I don't know how to refer to this person. Yeah, I don't think that that was ever a thing for him.

And I. I don't think he had or even has any expectations. He initially was kind of like, yeah, I'm your dad, but I can't tell you what to do because I didn't raise you. And he sort of was a little bit, he was very aware of that, you know, that that's not necessarily the role he played in my life.

And I see it completely the opposite, you know, I mean, obviously I'm an adult and he can only tell me what to do. Yeah, I agree, whether I pay attention to it or not. But at the same time, I still very much view him as a dad and respect him and value his opinions and guidance and all of those things.

For me, it didn't, I there was no hesitation for me. I love that. And you were able to fill that void, that place that had been missing hundred percent. Yeah. Okay. So you have this foundation, you had this experience. It turned out good for you. You then realized, I want to help people with this. Tell us about that portion of it.

So I was already training to be a life coach, and I didn't really know where I was going to take that, you know, that training and then all of this happened, and a lot of people don't know that DNA testing and finding these things out is very much up and coming. People are, as I was talking to you guys earlier, they're taking DNA tests and finding out they're adopted or their donor conceived or their mom had an affair or, you know, whatever.

There's lots of different dynamics. It doesn't always have to be a shady thing. But they find other dads aren't. Their dads were sometimes their moms aren't their moms. It just kind of depends. And so having this experience and trying to find support was hard. And so with that I was like, oh, I have this training and I can help people.

And so I, started coaching people through what I created, this DNA surprise network. And then since then, as I said, I'm almost six years into my reunion. But since then, I've become, the director of the director of support for an organization called Right to Know. It's right to know your genetic identity. We do a conference every year or every other year.

Our website has so much information, so much support. We do zoom calls weekly. We do webinars. I just we can help you find a therapist or a mentor or. There's just so many things. So, I've really just thrived in that community, and I love it. Yeah, we were talking about the range of surprises that can happen here.

I do a crime podcast. I didn't cover this story, but I researched it just briefly, trying to decide if I wanted to to cover it. It was about three months ago. DNA solved a murder. The granddaughter took the test. And when I say granddaughter, she's not, like, 17. She's, like, in her 30s. Took the test. Then that put her profile into the network.

They were able to link to that and figured out that her grandmother had actually killed somebody. And they had the DNA on file, but they didn't have a match to it. And then when they ran it, it went through the granddaughter to the grandma, and they figured out the murder. So that's a very extreme version of it. What are some situations that you have seen in DNA surprises that are both good and bad or whatever, any that you can share with us.

So, one of the gentlemen that's on the board with us, I don't think he would mind me just sharing. He's he's pretty public with his story. His name is Brad, and he he, in front of his parents said, I'm going to take a DNA test. And they didn't say anything. And he ends up ultimately taking the DNA test and finding out he's adopted.

As his story goes along, his Brad's a police officer on the bomb squad. All these things finds his bio. Who finds out whose biological parents are. I believe his mom was already deceased, but his dad was in jail for murder. Wow. So, Brad, story ends very, very well. He has a relationship with his dad. He actually was beneficial in helping get his dad out of prison.

And, you know, they have a great relationship now. Happy ending, that kind of thing, but but really interesting to find out your adopted. You're a police officer. Your dad's in jail for murder. So that's one. There's there's so many stories people are finding out, you know, they're raised, in one ethnicity or in one religion culture.

And then they take a DNA test and find out they're African American or Jewish or, you know, whatever. So that's that can be really hard for some people. That's the way it's touched my life. I haven't taken a DNA test. I've tried twice to send it off 1 to 2 different companies. And I shouldn't say send it off to have a kit sent to me.

And neither time did it come through and work. And I'm very tech savvy. I buy stuff on the internet all the time. I run computers all the time. There should be no reason that those tests can come to me. I've kind of taken it by this. Like you're not supposed to know. Yes. I'm not supposed to know. Like God is saying some things here that you don't want to see.

And I'm like, okay, I'll accept that. But I did get contacted by some family. This was almost three. It'll be three years ago this summer that I have an entire Mexican heritage I had no idea about. I had an adoptive great grandpa. I we didn't know he was adopted until at least I didn't until I went to a, distant relatives birthday party.

And they told me they had just figured it out. And I'm like, oh my gosh, that makes so much sense because I, I my skin is much darker than, than other family members. And I'm like, why? Why can I tan so well? Why? What's going on? Well, that heritage, that DNA was coming through, that heritage was coming through.

I believe that, you know, back in the day when girls found themselves pregnant, it was so shameful, right? They just kind of. Yeah, I think there was such a stigma of, you know, having sex at a young age or, you know, so many different things. Right. And I think or even with the wrong guy, with the wrong guy.

Right. Yeah. And I think that, because of that back, back when I'm hoping that it's not going to stay that way forever. You know, people were shamed and they were forced to make choices that they may be wouldn't have made. And that led to these kinds of things. Yeah, these scenarios. But about adoption, like, I mean, it's fair.

It's fairly common. It blows me away that people just can't tell their kids they're adopted. And I think it was the I think that that there was a time when it was, we're going to protect you by not letting you know that you were adopted. The other side of that is you have genetically, you're not related to your parents.

And so your health things are going to be different. And I can't tell you how many stories I hear of women who think they're predisposed to certain types of cancers or this or that or the other thing, and they go and have all this genetic testing done or, you know, go as far as having surgeries and things done that they didn't have to do because they're not related to their parents.

Wow. So that's the other side of it. You know, if anybody's keeping a DNA secret from someone that's important, you know, your your genetics and your health is it's really important. And I would completely agree with that. I have a friend who has a mother who's adopted, and she won't search out her family or anything. She refuses.

And there's been some pretty major health issues with the kids. And they're they've asked her, please, can we look for it? And she said, no, I don't want you to look at all that are there. And so they don't have that health history. Yeah. So with health concerns 23 and me is a pretty good I took ancestry and then later did 23 on me, 23 on me is a bit more health focused.

And I don't necessarily encourage this but just knowing the person that I am, I would do it anyway. Really take the test. Yes. Take it and just suffer with your reality. Yeah, but is there one service that is better than the other? Do you do you promote a service or a handful of them and then maybe stay away from some others?

Or are they pretty much. I only really know about ancestry or 23 and me. I think ethnicity wise. And if you're looking specifically for people, I would suggest ancestry. I think that they have a bit more, their websites, a bit their, their outreach is a bit bigger. So you're going to get a bit more, definite information, you know, I can't think of the word I'm looking for.

Any more specific information. Yes. As far you know, they break down your ethnicity a little more and again, their database is a bit bigger. So you might get, more matches. 23 in me is more health focused. You're still going to get matches, that kind of thing. But you're going to get more health information. They give you a bit more information about, you know, probability for diseases and different things like that.

Both of them require a membership to get really, really detailed stuff, which I'm assuming you can get the membership in council at a certain point. Whatever. And how it works. I've never done it. I know ancestry has, they're starting to track records, so like, they'll put photographs of, like there's photographs of my grandparents on there that I didn't put on.

So obviously someone had to have. So they do have that kind of stuff on there as well. So it just kind of depends. There's another organization called a DNA angels only with one eight DNA angels. And they help people find their genetic family. They'll help you find a biological parent for free. If you're trying to find, outside of parents, they they do charge a, a little fee.

They don't charge very much. They're 100% volunteer ran, and they use ancestry. Oh, my gosh, that's God's work. I know. Well, there's refugees. There's. Yeah. What? That, people that need help and a lot of people who need help, who wouldn't have the the capability to search it out without volunteer services. Oh, okay. If people are listening to this podcast and they want to reach out to you to figure out how to get part of this or whatever coaching from you, things like that, how do you want them to reach for you?

They can do through my website or through Right to Know both. So my email address is Debbie. Debbie at Right to note U.S and it's all rig ht. You can or Debbie at DNA surprise network. Okay I think that this is fascinating and then invented DNA surprised network.com website. Yes. Thank you. Yes I think it's fascinating. All right.

What would you like to leave that we haven't talked about about this DNA surprises. What what would you like to leave with our audience? I think everybody tends to be in a big hurry when they find these things out. And I would just invite you, if you are in the middle of a DNA surprise or think you might have a DNA surprise to go slow, you know, just be mindful of the aftermath and things, it can destroy relationships.

It can make relationships closer. You know, there's there's lots of scenarios, so just go slow. I like that advice because let's say you figure out a DNA surprise in your 34. You've lived 34 years without knowing why. Do you have to then slam it through as fast as you possibly can? And I like that. I do the math to know that the emotions that come up, there's a gamut of them.

I'm sure I can't even especially if it's a one like yours. Yeah, very drastic one. Find a trusted friend, you know, find someone you can talk to. One of the things that people that have DNA surprises really struggle with is, well, you're you're still you. You're not changed. You're not different. Well, actually I am. I just found out that this person doesn't belong to me.

Or, you know, there's lots of different things that I think it's knowing that something's been hidden from you are kept from you. Right? Like we all want truth, right? We're seeking truth. And so if you have, like, information that's been hidden from you or you feel like it's not a good feeling. Yeah, well, then there's no way you couldn't be different.

If you're like a tree and you just grew four new limbs overnight, right. That's different. Right? You're like instantly. I'm not a maple tree. I'm an oak tree. Wow. Yeah. No, it's going on. Yeah, yeah. All right. Thank you for being so helpful to people. Like I just said, I think that's God's work. I think this is for a group of people.

A very difficult process. Hard to navigate. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. Thank you for doing it. Thanks. Thank you.

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